20th October 2020

It’s OK to feel insecure when you re thinking about or going through a divorce

We are conditioned to think divorce is “bad” or a sign of failure - it is neither It’s common to feel guilty if you are the one starting the divorce or are the one who has formed an attachment with someone else

Sometimes, people feel ashamed when they really have nothing to feel ashamed of Fear is another common emotion - that’s normal too

These emotions can make you doubt yourself and your decision to leave. They can also impact on your decision making when it comes to the financial arrangements

Divorce isn’t just a legal transaction - it’s a journey, which can at times feel like a roller coaster ride Remember this when you are having doubts - if your marriage is no longer happy or healthy and you have explored all options then divorce is a good thing. A good thing for you, your ex and your children in the long run.

No one wants or deserves to live in an unhappy or unhealthy marriage.

No child wants to live with angry, resentful, withdrawn parents Fear. Fear of the unknown future can keep you prisoner in an unhappy or unhealthy marriage. Facing your fear is an essential part of living your life. Remember how good you felt when you last overcame your fear of something? That sense of achievement that you felt?

If you are feeling exhilarated by the fact you have made a momentous decision, hold on to that feeling. However, the initial buzz of making the decision will fade as you progress through the divorce process. Just keep remembering why you wanted out of your marriage in the first place.

3 things you need to do first

a)Decide what is important to you - particularly the values that are important to you as well as the assets. It requires some thought about the future you want. Think also about the kind of relationship you want with your ex in the future.

b) Get organised. Organised wit your time, energy, paperwork and finances. It is important to prioritise what is required or asked of you in the divorce process as this leads to a quicker and cheaper and less stressful divorce in the long run. Learn to say NO to people to conserve your time and energy. Start gathering your financial information and filing it into some sort of organised system

c) Get legal advice. This will help you plan your divorce avoiding any surprises, avoidable problems and unnecessary delays. It will also help you have discussions about the financial arrangements with your ex as you will know what your rights and responsibilities are.

4 things you should not do

a) Lash out. There will be difficult moments that naturally may have you wanting to hit back but don’t. It will not serve you well.

b) Don’t get angry, get even but nicely! Act in haste as you can almost guarantee you will repent in your leisure

c) Don’t move out of the family home unless you have to for safety reasons.

d) Don’t move money around thinking you will be putting out of the ay of your ex. The court will frown upon the behaviour of that nature and it will damage your credibility

If you think you would benefit with some guidance or are seeking some legal support to help you through the divorce process then book chat with me now


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