What NOT to do in a divorce

8th December 2020

Divorce is hard enough

Don’t make it harder by engaging in play power games to gain an advantage over your ex. everything becomes that much more intense.

Don't be a vindictive ex with a "win at all costs" attitude.

If power play happens in your divorce, there are few things that you can do to control your ex but there are several things you can do to prepare and manage the divorce. 

Firstly, recognise the power play

Secondly, do not lose your cool and try to fight fire with fire. It will only cause things to escalate and your entire family will suffer.

Thirdly, think ahead and plan positive steps to counter your ex’s power play.

The following list has descriptions and examples of some of the tricks lawyers and their clients will pull.

Be aware of the signs so you are not caught off-guard during your divorce proceedings. 

Examples of power play

1. Draining the joint bank account so household Direct Debits are no longer honoured by the bank and creating financial dependency of the finically weaker party

2. Maxing out shared credit facilities. This can reduce the ability to secure good legal representation

3. Refusal to support the family household until ordered to do so. This is one of the steps in a routine called "starve out the other spouse." The goal is to put the other spouse in a financial position where he or she, out of desperation, will accept an unfair settlement. 

4. Waiting to the last minute to pay support payments.

5. Threaten to apply to the court for primary care of the children when the plan was to have joint care. 

6. Refuse to speak with your ex. Discussing terms of the divorce privately is vital to having a conflict-free divorce.

These are just a few of the sneaky things that can happen in a divorce. Sometimes they are successful but are always destructive and hamper any meaningful and fair settlement discussions

In addition, the residual bitterness after the divorce could damage you and your ex’s ability to effectively co-parent your children.

Don't get caught up in the game — it is in the interests of the entire family to settle fairly and without high-profile tricks. 

Sarah

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