HOW TO HAVE AN AMICABLE DIVORCE

7th August 2020

HOW TO KEEP YOUR DIVORCE AMICABLE

Divorce is a highly stressful time, no matter whose decision it was.

The stress of divorce can be minimised if you stay calm, SEEK PROFESSIONAL ADVICE, and follow some practical guidelines. Up until your divorce you probably relied, to some extent, on your partner for support.

When you are facing divorce, you alone make your decisions and navigate your journey.  It can feel lonely and overwhelming.

The divorce process is far from simple and it is usually a one-time experience for most. This is why it can be invaluable to have a lawyer take your hand and guide you through the process.

Known stresses of divorce: to sell or remain in the home, loss of familiar family life, starting over, paying legal fees, having less disposable income, dealing with your children's reaction to divorce... among others.

Unknown stresses of divorce: wondering whether you will get a fair settlement, who will get what as part of the settlement, wondering whether you will be able to make ends meet on less money, worrying about the effect of divorce on your children, worrying about what others will think of you afterwards. In many ways the outcome is beyond your control. It depends on your legal support, how your soon-to-be ex behaves, and how a court may see your case. No one likes to feel out of control or controlled.

Much of the stress you will feel comes from realising that the decisions you are making will impact on the rest of your life. Not to mention the loss of an intimate relationship with another person and changes to your living arrangements.

These are all big aspects of your life and they are all changing at once and can impact on your mental and physical health if not checked.

Dealing with the stress of divorce and keeping it amicable:

1. Maximise your ability to cope with stress. When you are less anxious you make better decisions and can deal more effectively and amicably with others - including your ex!

2.  Ask for help and/or accept help offered.

3. Get as much information as you can - preferable from professionals so that you know the information is reliable and specific to you. Information will empower you.

4. Take each day and task as it comes. Try not to focus on the bigger picture, as it can be daunting and overwhelming.

5. Talk to someone about how you are feeling.

6. Try and incorporate exercise into your daily routine. It will help you feel more positive.

7. Find a creative outlet - they take your mind off your troubles and thereby reduces the level of stress you are feeling.

8. Accept that you will make mistakes. No one is perfect.

9. Accept your new reality and focus on building a positive future.  Starting your new chapter.

10. Have faith in that things will work out. It will keep your mindset positive.

11. Picture your new happy future - if you see it, believe it, it will become a reality.

12. Don't take the high ground. This decreases the tension between you and your ex and the impact on the children. There will always be disagreements but it is how you handle them that matters.

13. Mediate sooner rather than later. Make sure you have sought professional legal advice before you start mediation, then you have confidence to mediate a settlement that is both fair and works for you. It will keep costs down as well as keeping you focused on the important issues.

14. Be united with your ex about issues concerning the children.

15. Don't involve new partners. They should be there only in the background to support you. They should never be part of the decisions you make in your divorce.

16. Be honest. Don't try to hide assets. The repercussions if you do, and are found out, can be harmful to your settlement. It will also make your divorce more expensive and take much longer.

17. Don't hold grudges. It takes two to cause a divorce. Even if your partner, on the face of it, is responsible there is never effect without cause.

18. Choose your battles.

19. Focus on what really matters to you and what you really need. Getting wrapped up minutia can be counterproductive and tiring. It will also lengthen your divorce and make it more expensive.

Remember your goal. There is no such thing as winning in a divorce - so remember and focus on your goal:

A BETTER, MORE FULFILLING, AND HAPPIER FUTURE

Your divorce will fade into your past as a distant memory quicker than you think, especially if you manage to keep it amicable.

Life's Chapters can legally support you through the process of ending one chapter of your life, and turning the page so you are ready to start the next chapter.

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