Is What Will “They” Think” Holding You Back From Making Decisions About Your Future?

2nd August 2018

Are you being held back by the notion that “they” will think badly of us? “They” are parents, neighbours, friends, relatives, co-workers, doctors etc.

This kind of obligation is about the value people have of themselves. In reality, most people rarely interact in ways that negatively touch on their family’s perception of them. Yet this feeling of “everyone” is judging them – can be very strong. And since “they” are really not judging that much if at all, it really is the person who is judging themselves.

It, therefore, boils down to a preconception people carry around with them. In a large part, it probably comes from the positive comments they have received over the years. They have been appreciated for being a good father, a good mother, for having “made a success” of their lives, and so on. They believe that to be “good” they have to go on in this way and if they don’t, they will be condemned by others. And for most people this is important.

For many people, this can be a challenge, because to overcome this they must come to know themselves in a different way. The thought that “They are a good mother/father because they have a job and a home and an intact nuclear family” needs to be set aside. It needs to be replaced with thoughts that are centred in more basic ideas. “They are a good mother/father because they care about their children. They have the courage to truthfully assess the goodness of their children’s lives. They are willing to do what is needed to make their children most complete.” And that they are a good person because they love and care for themselves.”

In order to engage positively in change, people need to work out the basic principles that motivate their lives. These are basic principles are their morals, their core values. These have to be deep enough to surpass situations so that a person can use them to “judge” their situations. Then, when the person decides to make changes that run contrary to what they think “they” want, they can feel secure that they have acted in accordance with their deep values.  Whilst “they” may not feel comfortable with what a person has chosen, that person knows that they have done the right thing by their own conscience and core values. 

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