SHOULD I TELL MY EMPLOYER THAT I'M GETTING DIVORCED?

21st August 2020

 

Should you tell your employer you are getting divorced?

It's a tricky call to make.

It's a balance between the privacy and space to deal with your divorce and letting people know you may need support from time to time.

Many people keep their divorce secret from their employer because they fear judgement or that their employer may consider it a "failure" and pass them over for promotion or leadership roles.

Traditionally, we were expected to keep our professional and private lives separate. To leave our personal lives at home and not to bring them into the office.

However, recent campaigns raising mental health issues both generally and also in the work place means it has now become easier and more acceptable to admit you are not alright or that you need help and support.

With 42% of marriages ending in divorce, the cost of divorce to the UK economy is estimated at £46 Billion in absenteeism, resignations, lost productivity, and increased sick leave for mental health issues.

A recent study found 69% of high earners reported significant problems in their relationships.

If you are feeling overwhelmed or below par at work you are not alone.

Here are my thoughts on how to manage telling your employer the smart way and which works for you.

Yes, I believe you should tell your employer.

Being honest with your employer builds trust, especially if you have been not your usual self at work as of late. It also allows them to support you.

Stick to the facts and leave out the emotional detail.

How you deal with your divorce may show your employer hidden skills you have that they they were unaware of because you haven't had the opportunity, before your divorce, to showcase them.

Tell your employer all the positive steps you are taking to manage the divorce process - the legal advisors you have consulted, the steps you are taking to safeguard your mental health.

Acknowledge that circumstances in your personal life may from time to time impact on your work life, but you are managing them proactively and not becoming a victim.

If you need a couple of days off, to get your head in the right place or make practical arrangements then, take some annual leave.

Remain calm. Be real. Be you. Be professional.

If you have changed your address or bank account details then let your employer know.

Make sure you have the conversation with your employer first, before they come to you about a drop in productivity in your work. It shows strength and places you in control. Prepare for the conversation so that you know what support you may need - whether its time off to meet with your legal advisor, counsellor or other professional appointment, or that you just need some understanding and flexibility if you are having an off-day.

Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. There will be good days as well as bad days. Usually, there are more good days towards the end of the process as you are more likely to have come to terms with the end of your marriage.

If you think your employer may be unsympathetic, or he/she is unsympathetic after you have told them, consider speaking to your HR Department and see what support they can offer you.

Alternatively, you may need to speak to an employment law specialist.

Take any support offered to you and hold firm on what you need to get through your divorce and emerge the other side. There are no medals for being a martyr. By doing so you are demonstrating a high level of emotional intelligence. It shows your employer you know yourself and what you need.

Denying anything is wrong or that it won't impact on your work can back fire spectacularly.

Whilst I am not saying don't talk about your divorce at work, I do recommend you keep discussions about your divorce to a minimum. Leave the emotional aspect of it for friends and family, not your colleagues.

Remember, sadly people can be cruel and use what you share to the their advantage. Look after you. Self-care is crucial.

One of the best investments of your time and money is getting the right legal support. It gives you an opportunity, a safe space, to vent, reflect, and make informed decisions with a knowledgeable supportive professional who has got your back.

If you would like to chat about how I can help you navigate your divorce in a way that works best for you, then drop me a line at sarah@lifeschapters.co.uk

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