Telling Your Children About Your Divorce Is Difficult. 10 Top Tips to make it easier

13th September 2018

I recommend the following:-

1. Tell your children all at the same time, even if the meeting is physical and/or partially virtual

2. Perhaps have one meeting with adult children immediately before a meeting with the younger children. This allows you to pitch the conversation at the appropriate level and also avoids one child blurting it out unsympathetically or inadvertently to another child.

3. It is natural for children to feel responsible either for the breakdown of their parent's marriage or the unhappiness endured by the parent(s) staying together for the sake of the children. It is therefore important to make it clear to the children that they are in no way responsible for either circumstance

4. Children need to know the breakdown of the marriage will not affect the love each parent has and feels for each child.

5. No child wants to see their parents divorce. However, it is not their decision, it's yours

6. Children who think their parents have a perfect marriage and don’t see the divorce coming cope less well with divorce. So carrying on with a brave face until the children have left home is not always best

7. Don’t argue in the presence of the children and do not undermine or criticise the other parent

8. Don’t overshare with the children. They don't need to know everything, no matter how old they are.

9. Don’t ask or expect your children to take sides. In fact, it is better to help the children see both parents views about divorce. This seems strange but it protects the children relationship with both their parents and also their siblings

10. Remember it takes time to rebuild. So don’t expect joint family occasions from the offset to be easy.

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