When to introduce your children to a new partner

25th August 2020

Introducing your children to your new partner 

When is too soon?

When to introduce your new partner to your children is a tricky question and fraught with danger.

The truth is, there isn't a right time, but remember it is all about the children and not you

The introduction of a new partner to your children can cause all sorts of unexpected conflict in your divorce.

Usually, it is the dads that want to introduce a new partner first

My tips for a smoother introduction are:-

Give your children time to adjust to your separation or divorce.

Avoid introducing the children to lots of new partners.

Consider if your children are ready to accept a new person in your life

Consider how they are likely to react. Be prepared that they may feel bound by loyalty to their other parent and not react well

Is your ex on-side? Getting your ex to support the introduction of a new partner will make it much easier

If your new partner has children of their own then integrate stepfamilies slowly

Plan the meeting of the children and your new partner carefully

If your children are old enough, be honest with them about your new relationship rather than introducing a new "aunt or uncle"

After the first meeting, reflect truthfully with your self about how it went and ask your children how they thought it went

Ideally, the introduction of a new partner should be discussed, agreed upon and included in your parenting plan

If the introduction to a new parter takes place without your prior knowledge then remain calm. However, hurt and/or angry you may feel. Whether it was too soon is no longer an issue, what's done is done, providing there are no safeguarding issues If your children return distressed, remain calm and resist the temptation to call you ex and give them a blasting for their thoughtlessness. Wait until you are calm and able to have an honest non-critical discussion about how you are both going to help your children deal with a new partner

Being a parent isn't easy, being a single parent is even harder

Remember, you won't always get it right and neither will your ex

 

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